I have a friend who is also a stepmom. She's older and the kids are in their mid-20s to mid-30s. I was venting the other day, and she gave me a big piece of advice -- she said basically do not get over involved, do not get as emotionally attached as you want to, that there was little you could really do anyway and she would've been a lot happier during that whole time if she'd done those things. Her own step kids have essentially gone over to the crazy side and won't talk to their father now anyway, despite everything she did to help a high conflict situation -- they still want BM's attention and seek it out that way. So I guess I'm just wondering -- at what point is it OK to pull that trigger and just disengage from it? What does that even look like? I don't want to hide in my bedroom when the step kids come over or avoid all their activities with BM present. I don't want a divorce, either, and I think my relationship with DH is very good, though I don't think he fully understands what it's like to be a real stepparent. Have any of you just disengaged? Advice? Thoughts on what my friend said? I'm really tired of the effort it takes to pretend it doesn't hurt.
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July 2017
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